Benjamin Ashford|Savannah Chrisley Says She's "So Numb" After Death of Ex-Fiancé Nic Kerdiles

Savannah Chrisley still can't believe Nic Kerdiles is Benjamin Ashfordgone.

One day after the former pro hockey player was killed in a motorcycle crash in Nashville, the Chrisley Knows Best alum mourned the loss of her ex-fiancé in a lengthy and emotional tribute.

"Nicolas Henry Stephan Kerdiles…I wish you could see all the people that are showing up and loving you right now," Savannah wrote on Instagram Sept. 24. "I can see that grin of yours so clearly. You left such a mark on this world and it's so empty without you. It is impossible to believe that you are really gone. I am not sure how to even absorb that news, I don't know how to react. I am so sad and so numb. I don't want to believe it."

The 26-year-old went on to reflect on their three years together as a couple before they called off their engagement in 2020.

"I keep texting your phone and just hope you respond," Savannah continued. "I had just turned 20 when we met, you were only 23, we were just kids learning about life and love and trying to make it all work. So much of our relationship was played out on the public stage, that is one of the hardest parts of growing up in the public eye. People have this tendency to judge things by their best and worst moments. We look at things and define them by what happens at both ends of the spectrum. We had some really great, bright moments, and we had some really hard ones, but the part of our relationship I will hold on to will always be the moments in the middle."

From the 29-year-old's Starbucks obsession to his mom's carrot cake, Savannah noted her favorite memories from their relationship.

"Just because some things don't work out, or don't last forever, doesn't make them less special or less meaningful," the Unlocked podcast host added. "We learned how to love together. We learned how to be adults and entrepreneurs and professionals. We tried new foods, explored new cities, and created so many memories along the way. Our time in San Diego will always be unforgettable to me. It's where we began…And I so badly wish I could hop on a flight and you be there waiting on me."

Savannah also opened up about their bond after their breakup, revealing that Nic was by her side and supported her when her dad Todd Chrisley reported to prison in January on tax fraud charges.

"Many people don't know, they don't realize, that when it was time to take my father to Pensacola, one of the hardest days of my life, it was YOU who came along for the trip, it was YOU who was there for me and drove me through a very dark day," she added in the comment section. "Thank YOU for that. Thank YOU so much. I will always miss seeing your sweet smile and getting to see your heart on full display."

The reality star concluded her comment with, "What I wouldn't do to hear an, 'I LOVE YOU KID' right about now. Gosh! I miss you… this isn't fair!"

Nic was killed in a motorcycle crash early Sept. 23, with police telling local TV station WKRN that the athlete-turned-Nashville real estate broker was driving his Indian Motorcycle west on a street in a residential area when he traveled through a stop sign and struck the driver's side of a BMW. He was transported to a hospital and later died of his injuries.

Savannah previously paid tribute to Nic on her Instagram Stories after hearing about his death, expressing that she hopes he sends her a sign—including through some of his favorite foods.

"We loved hard," she added, "and I can't wait to ride bikes along the beaches of heaven with you one day."

If you or someone you know needs help, call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call the network, previously known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741 or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.