Current:Home > My'Fair Play' and when you're jealous of your partner’s work success -Capitatum
'Fair Play' and when you're jealous of your partner’s work success
PredictIQ Quantitative Think Tank Center View
Date:2025-04-05 23:37:10
That promotion you've yearned for just went to your colleague. That raise you asked for won't hit your bank account after all. That company you were hoping to work at − they rejected you.
Everyone faces job disappointments. But what happens when your partner is killing it professionally, while you're stuck in a rut?
In Netflix's new movie "Fair Play" (now streaming), Emily (Phoebe Dynevor) gets promoted in lieu of her fiancée Luke (Alden Ehrenreich) at their demanding financial firm. While not every scenario will hit as close to home – as not everyone works with their partner – the movie dredges up questions about how we deal with professional jealousy.
Personal insecurity is typically the root of jealousy, according to experts, and it requires unpacking the reasons behind it and talking with your partner to figure out how to best move forward.
"When we experience jealousy, we're really coming up against what we see as threats in our own fear of loss," says Miranda Nadeau, a licensed psychologist. "What could it mean about my career, if someone else is successful? What might I lose, based on what someone else is gaining? Recognizing the underlying dynamics is the first step in moving toward peace."
'Jealousy is a natural human emotion'
First: Don't try and run from your jealous feelings. "Jealousy is a natural human emotion, and treating yourself with kindness when it arises – rather than berating yourself or blaming yourself for being unsupportive – will also help with feeling your feelings in a way that they don't have control over you," Nadeau says.
Those who are jealous feel inadequate in some way, and have "a deep concern that something or someone will be taken away from them," adds Cecille Ahrens, a licensed clinical social worker.
In the case of work success, "it may be helpful to examine what 'stories' or 'beliefs' one might be having about the situation," Ahrens says. What are you telling yourself in your head about your partner's promotion? Are their sexist or otherwise problematic views feeding your irrational thoughts about the situation?
"Evaluate the validity of these stories or beliefs and see if they are in fact true or factual," Ahrens says.
Also consider whether this has come up before in your life, and how. "Are you being triggered or activated by a past event?" Ahrens says. "All of these things can contribute to one’s feelings of jealousy, especially if these feelings are unresolved."
Nadeau adds: "If you can have some openness with your own jealousy, and if you can combine that compassion with trying to empathetically relate to the person you're jealous of, you may find yourself experiencing compersion, or sympathetic happiness for others' joy."
In case you missed:How to stop jealousy from destroying your relationship
'Avoid blaming or accusing'
If you're looking to at least somewhatquell your jealousy so you can be happy for your partner, consider practicing gratitude. Nadeau suggests "making a gratitude list of 10 things you're grateful for, perhaps in the domain where you're experiencing jealousy, or keep a gratitude journal of five things each day that you can appreciate." After some internal work on the roots of your jealousy, where do you go next?
Of course, Talk with your partner about how you're feeling before jealousy jumps out of you into biting comments or worse, a fit of rage.
"Avoid blaming or accusing them of wrongdoing. Instead, focus on your emotions and how you want to address them together," Sara Kuburic, a relationship expert, previously wrote in a column for USA TODAY. "Remember, feeling jealous is nothing we need to apologize for but we do need to ensure that our actions are still respectful and authentic."
Ahrens adds: "Communicating your underlying fears and concerns with your partner can help you receive the support and reassurance you need from your partner. Focusing on the things that you enjoy and experiences that add meaning and happiness to your life outside of the relationship is often helpful."
Overall, remember not to be too hard on yourself. Everyone dances with that green-eyed monster once in awhile. "Experiencing jealousy is not 'good' nor 'bad,'" Ahrens says. "It usually signals that something in our life needs attention or healing."
Uh oh:Are you ruining your relationship without even realizing it?
veryGood! (182)
Related
- Are Instagram, Facebook and WhatsApp down? Meta says most issues resolved after outages
- As USC, UCLA officially join Big Ten, emails show dismay, shock and anger around move
- 2024 Olympics: Swimmer Tamara Potocka Collapses After Women’s 200-Meter Individual Medley Race
- Things to know about the largest US-Russia prisoner swap in post-Soviet history
- The FTC says 'gamified' online job scams by WhatsApp and text on the rise. What to know.
- Cardi B asks court to award her primary custody of her children with Offset, divorce records show
- 'Chronically single' TikTokers go viral for sharing horrible dating advice
- What are maternity homes? Their legacy is checkered
- Jamie Foxx reps say actor was hit in face by a glass at birthday dinner, needed stitches
- What DeAndre Hopkins injury means for Tennessee Titans' offense: Treylon Burks, you're up
Ranking
- The Louvre will be renovated and the 'Mona Lisa' will have her own room
- Who were the Russian prisoners released in swap for Paul Whelan, Evan Gershkovich?
- Surviving the inferno: How the Maui fire reshaped one family's story
- Mariah Carey’s Rare Update on Her Twins Monroe and Moroccan Is Sweet Like Honey
- Newly elected West Virginia lawmaker arrested and accused of making terroristic threats
- After the end of Roe, a new beginning for maternity homes
- Katie Ledecky makes more Olympic history and has another major milestone in her sights
- Utah’s near-total abortion ban to remain blocked until lower court assesses its constitutionality
Recommendation
Questlove charts 50 years of SNL musical hits (and misses)
Freddie Freeman's wife explains All-Star's absence: 'Scariest days of our lives'
Tiffany Haddish Shares the NSFW Side Hustle She Used to Have Involving Halle Berry and Dirty Panties
Chase Budinger credits former NBA teammate for approach to Olympic beach volleyball
Military service academies see drop in reported sexual assaults after alarming surge
California inferno still grows as firefighters make progress against Colorado blazes
Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick's Son James Wilkie Shares Rare Photo of Family in Paris
Summer Music Festival Essentials to Pack if You’re the Mom of Your Friend Group